I consider myself a parenting antihero. I have many failures to share. When my child falls on their bum, yet again, because I’ve failed to negotiate the bumps in the pavement whilst pulling that lurid little scooter and checking my iPhone at the same time, I know I’ve done wrong. Sometimes, though, others do wrong. And they just don’t seem to notice. So I thought I should point out some of the more common wrongs on here. I only wish I had the guts to say it to their face. But me laughing and pointing and saying “epic fail” mightn’t be considered appropriate behaviour. See, even I have boundaries.
So yesterday, at gym class, my little girl was waving her little ribbon stick around with some gusto. It is small and plastic. Also present in the class was a rather precocious girl with a name something like Rococco or Ammonia. Rococco made the mistake of coming too close. And my girl twatted her on the head. Not hard mind. Not even hard enough for Rococco to shed a tear. There’s a lesson in here for future dance classes Rococco. Don’t mess with my girl mid creative dance move.
Cue Overprotective mum. Head to toe Boden. All concerned face, and strokey strokey hair. Clearly her daughter was fine. But she insisted on pulling back her hair, checking her forehead, not once, but three times. There wasn’t even a mark. My girl is over the other side of the room by now. I mutter something half arsed about an apology. But Overprotective can see my heart’s not in it. My girl continues to channel her inner Strictly contestant. Atta girl. Don’t let them morons bring you down.